Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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