I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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