I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
