I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
