She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You're like the curious george of whores
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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