We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
