"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
