Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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