oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
