she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
