Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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