well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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