I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
