Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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