im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We talked him into tasing himself.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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