My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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