guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
