first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
not ubering you a puppy
how drunk are you?
Several
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
