He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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