I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
