I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
