where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
