I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
