im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
