Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
