I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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