I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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