Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
