There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize