i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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