dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
