cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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