theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
