i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
