1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
