If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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