So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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