i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
