his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
