PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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