she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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