Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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