You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
