WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
