I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
