this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
