I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
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she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
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We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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