He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
