I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Say something about gay babies.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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