Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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