Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
