I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
