If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
