I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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