i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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