Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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