wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
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