Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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