I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
