these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
