Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
