i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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