she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
